Rancher to the Rescue Page 10

  Heads still bowed, the boys trudged into the house. Clare’s heart stalled in her throat. “I’m taking them home,” she blurted out.

  “No, you’re not,” he answered firmly.

  “We’ll live in our house. We’ll figure something out.”

  “How? I have a ranch. Remember, this marriage solves your problem, Clare.”

  “Only the financial aspect. There has to be more to life than that. I need my brothers close and at our home. They’re grieving and so am I. Together we can be strong.”

  “I am already. For all of you.”

  “That’s the problem. Miss Worth said I had character, but look at me. I have no strength. I resent my parents. I want to be noble like you.”

  “I’m not noble,” he muttered.

  She waved away his contradiction. “Of course you are. You’re self-sacrificing while I still think of the dreams I must give up.” She felt her shoulders sag. “I’m going to church tomorrow morning and I feel like such a sinner.”

  “Then you’re in the right place. You’re just admitting a feeling, which goes a long way to conquering it, be it anger or jealousy or even resentment,” Noah answered, his tone a heavy growl. “You’re in the thick of a difficult position.”

  “I don’t want people to think that I’m marrying only because I need you to save me. I should be able to save myself.” She sighed heavily. “Don’t you think everyone will realize that I’m marrying you to keep my brothers from being taken from me? Will they guess that my father was too short-sighted?”

  His jaw tight, Noah asked, “Aren’t your brothers enough of a reason?”

  Clare wiped her hands across her eyes. “They are. I should be grateful that we can stay together, especially now. But it’s not enough for me, and I hate that I think this way! Absolutely hate it! It’s more than knowing I’m a sinner. I’m going to church tomorrow feeling like a hypocrite.”

  “Our church is full of hypocrites.”

  She snapped her head up at him and gasped. “That’s an awful thing to say! They’re good people!”

  “That’s true, but just as hospitals are full of sick people who go to get better, we go to church because we know we’re sinners. You’ve just admitted you are one and you go to church. Does God only want you to go when you’re behaving perfectly?”

  “He’d never get me in there if that was the case.”

  “He wants to help you be a better person. Even Jesus said His message wasn’t for those who were spiritually healthy, but for those who needed forgiveness. It’s the same way now.”

  “But the Bible talks of how if you have a problem with another person, you are to set your offering aside and go to that person and do your best to fix it.”

  “Inasmuch as it is possible for you.” His expression darkened briefly, and she wondered what was going through his mind. Before he turned away, he said, “Sometimes it’s not possible.”

  Clare felt a wobbly smile come to her lips as she mulled over his words. “I didn’t expect a sermon this afternoon, but I definitely needed one. Thank you.” She took Noah’s hands in hers and was pleased that she’d shed her gloves. His fingers were warm and felt strong as they gripped hers back.

  She wanted to draw him into an embrace, too. They were essentially alone up here, not like in town where anyone could watch Noah walk into her home. Oh, they’d start their tongues wagging in malicious whispers.

  Only Tim and Leo were in the house. Not even the horse was paying them attention. Clare stepped closer to Noah. He was right about one thing. It didn’t matter that she felt unworthy to go to church. In fact, she should feel unworthy. She would try all the harder to be a better person.

  Like Noah.

  “I know I should just work on being grateful for what I have, but it’s hard.” She tipped her head back and lifted her shoulders in a hapless shrug. “One thing is for sure. I am grateful for you.”

  Then she reached for him.

  Chapter Nine

  Guilt stabbed Noah. He didn’t want Clare to tell him all her secrets and certainly not tell him he was noble and perfect.

  He was neither of those things. He was marrying Clare partly for a reason far removed from her view of him. Yes, mostly, he was saving her from having to surrender her brothers or her home, but a part of him had felt righteous indignation. It had fueled the first flame of this out-of-control fire that had become their engagement.

  And yet, to have Clare near him caused his decisions to waver. She was reaching for him and he fought with every fiber of his body the urge to draw her close.

  No. He pushed her arms down.

  Clare thought she was a hypocrite, but he was a worse one. He’d told his parents he would marry only for love, and not because it was convenient for his father and his finances.

  Bitterness lingered in his mouth as he stepped away from Clare. She let her hands drop to her sides, hurt flashing over her face for that brief instance.

  He pulled a face. He’d hurt her. The urge to plunk her back into the wagon seat raced through him. She should leave, get back to her packing and not let any hurt linger.

  It was a good idea. He wouldn’t be reminded of all of his mistakes, too, or of Elizabeth back home, the one who’d begged him not to tell anyone who was the real perpetrator of their broken engagement.

  He’d told his father the truth, but after having hurt Elizabeth with his rejection, he had allowed her to spread the lie that she’d broken their engagement. She hadn’t wanted the embarrassment of being rejected. The lie had been a more acceptable option. Not for the first time did he wonder if his father had talked to Elizabeth. Noah had walked out on both and had never learned if they had even spoken to each other. With the dissolution of their engagement, there would be no reason for the families to talk.

  His stubbornness had turned him into a coward.

  He looked away, up toward the magnificent vista of Proud Mountain. Clare had just mentioned that the Bible talked of repairing a relationship before worshipping. Since the Bible had added that part, “inasmuch as it is possible” he’d always argued with himself that it was impossible to reconcile with his father. Therefore, Noah had no obligation whatsoever.

  But shouldn’t he at least tell Clare that he’d once been engaged, but that he didn’t want to discuss it? Perhaps not. What would that tell her about him? That he didn’t trust her? That he didn’t think her worthy of hearing any more of the story?

  His stomach ached. He should never have agreed to Elizabeth’s lie. He was a far worse sinner than Clare was.

  What am I supposed to do now, Lord? Should I just forget it? Or should I tell Clare and inflict more wounds on a woman I have already hurt? That doesn’t feel Christian, either.

  “Go home, Clare. We’ll see you tomorrow morning,” he announced in a brisk tone. “After church, we’ll go back to your house. I can help you pack.”

  “That’s all right. You don’t have to.”

  He frowned. “Don’t you want me to help you?”

  * * *

  Clare felt the heat of embarrassment rise within her. “There are a lot of memories, that’s all. Some things will need to be given away, too. I’ll talk to Mrs. Wyseman and Mrs. Turcot tomorrow before church. They organize the monthly thrift store for charity. Speaking of church, we need to tell Pastor Wyseman to announce our engagement.” Her voice hitched. “And my parents’ disappearance.”

  “Are you ready for that?”

  She wrung her hands. “I don’t want them to think ill of my father. He made a mistake, but he was a good man.”

  “We’ll go in early and meet Pastor Wyseman. He can advise you. Speaking of the house, you can store everything here.”

  Clare frowned at his house. “You were fortunate to get both land and a house. Yes, I remember when the owner
s decided this life wasn’t right for them. It sat vacant for a long time. I’m surprised that squatters didn’t destroy everything.”

  He followed her gaze as it settled on his house. “The furniture had been stored in Proud Bend, and yes, there have been squatters, but a bit of elbow grease fixed everything. When I bought the place from the government, I was able to get the furniture back. With the help of my ranch hand, I built the paddock and cleared more land.” He paused, gauging her emotions. “I know it’s hard to set aside your determination to prove yourself in this world, but let Pastor Wyseman and me help you.”

  She looked at him with surprise. “Is that how you see me? You must think I’m an awfully stubborn person.”

  “No. Clare, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”

  “I don’t?” She swallowed. “I can’t help but think that I’ll need to prove something after we get married.”

  “Like what?”

  Pain filled her gaze. “My father made a mess of things...and I don’t want that to be his legacy. I want to prove that he was also a good man.” She studied her hands as if they could solve great mysteries. “I’m still angry at him, and yet, even though it doesn’t make sense, I also don’t want to share that anger. I don’t want others to be mad at him for my sake.”

  Noah tipped his head to one side. In a strange way, her indignation was all she had left of her father. “If you don’t let Pastor Wyseman announce what has happened to your parents, then the rumors will be worse. This way, you can deal with the truth about your father.”

  “But that’s just it. For all his faults, he was a good man.”

  “He left you in such a disgraceful situation, you have to get married,” Noah muttered.

  “And that’s where I dragged you into my mess.” The set of her mouth and her fast look at him told her she wasn’t happy. “And you come out of this all the more noble for your unselfish act.”

  Noah stepped back. Was she jealous of him? Again, something inside pushed him to tell her the truth. She wouldn’t be jealous of him then.

  So, why are you still standing there, saying nothing, Livingstone?

  Before he could speak, Clare let out a long sigh. “Well, I guess it’s better than lying to everyone about them. I could never lie. Never.”

  With that, she walked into the house to help her brothers unpack.

  An hour later, after Clare had said her goodbyes, and as they watched her cart disappear, Noah turned to the brothers. “We’ll tour the estate, boys,” he announced.

  “What’s that mean?” Tim asked.

  Noah laughed, although the sound felt forced. “It means we’re going to explore our land. I knew a wealthy gentleman out East who said he did that every evening after supper. Let’s go.”

  The boys trudged along behind him, like reluctant sheep behind a shepherd. At the back of his cleared land, after they’d climbed a trail obviously made by mountain goats, they stopped and turned.

  Noah sat on a rock and pointed out Proud Bend in the distance.

  “Is that where Clare is?” Tim asked.

  “Yes,” Noah answered gently. “Can you see the church spire? Your house is just to the left, behind some trees. Clare is inside it.”

  They all sat on the rock, pondering the view, when Noah felt a small hand touch his knee. He looked down and found Leo shifting closer to him.

  Within a minute, the little boy had climbed up onto his lap. Seconds later, he leaned his head against Noah’s chest.

  Noah’s throat tightened as tears stung his eyes. He could feel little Leo heave a small sob.

  “He misses Clare,” Tim stated wisely, glancing down at his brother. “And Ma and Pa.”

  Noah gripped the little boy. “That’s a good thing, Leo, really. We’ll tell Clare that tomorrow morning. It’ll make her happy.”

  “Clare tucks me in at night, just like Ma used to.”

  “I will, too, then. I promise. Did you bring a book I can read from?”

  Leo nodded. “It’s about some boys who go out in the woods at night.”

  “Then I’ll read from it. A whole chapter, if you like.”

  “But not the scary parts,” Leo warned, looking up at him with a fearful expression.

  “Never.” Noah smiled down at the boy, his heart giving a little flip when he saw a replica of Clare’s dark eyes. “You don’t want to give me nightmares, do you?”

  They all laughed. For a long time, they sat on the rock and watched the land below them, until Noah reluctantly admitted to himself they needed to return.

  He didn’t want to, though.

  * * *

  The next morning, Noah and her brothers met Clare in front of the church. The boys hugged her as though she’d been gone for weeks, but after glancing at the watch she’d pinned to her coat, Clare knew they didn’t have much time. “I spent the evening and half the night packing things. I’m exhausted, so let’s get this done with before I drop off to sleep.”

  Inside, she herded the boys to a back pew and told them to sit there and do absolutely nothing. “Noah and I are going to talk to Pastor Wyseman.”

  “Are you in trouble?” Tim asked, turning to watch them head into the small vestry.

  Noah laughed. With a sharp look toward him, Clare huffed. When they reached the door, she rapped sharply on it.

  “Come in.”

  They walked in to find Pastor Wyseman standing behind his desk. Like his office at home, this one was small and neat and crowded with books. Immediately, Noah said, “We need you to announce the sad news about Clare’s parents and our engagement.”

  “Good and bad news at the same time.” Wyseman grimaced. “But there’s no other option, unless you want to postpone your wedding.”

  “No!” Clare cringed at the sound of her sharp answer. “There’s no other solution. When I was speaking with my lawyer, he felt I had a better chance of keeping my brothers if I was married.”

  “If need be, I can certainly attest to your characters,” Wyseman assured them.

  Clare resisted rolling her eyes. She had very little in the way of stellar character, what with all the resentment rolling around inside of her. But only Noah knew of that. She stole a glance at him, but his expression remained inscrutable.

  She didn’t want the congregation to learn about her financial woes, either, and therefore sully her father’s reputation, especially not before they could even hold a memorial service.

  Clare blew out a sigh. To stand here beside Noah and ask for a hurried wedding without explanation, however—what did that suggest about her character? Some would think only of how difficult it was going to be for Clare. Others would drop their gazes to her flat abdomen and wonder if there was another reason.

  Heat filled her cheeks. There probably wouldn’t be any babies for her. Her and Noah’s relationship, not to mention their upcoming marriage, was only one of convenience. As much as the word of the law might allow babies to happen, the spirit of the law whispered to Clare that she couldn’t have children with a man she didn’t love and who didn’t love her.

  Yes, it was bad enough she was trapping him in marriage, but to saddle him with more children than her two unruly brothers? That would be cruel.

  Clare cleared her throat and tried her best to sound calm and efficient. “We’ll worry about getting legal custody of Tim and Leo after the wedding. One step at a time, please. Thank you, Pastor. Like you said, there’s no other way around the news. People are going to ask me if my parents are on their way back and I won’t lie to anyone.”

  “Or they’ll wonder why we’re not waiting,” Noah added, “which will raise more questions.”

  “Hopefully they will see that it’s just to help out Tim and Leo,” Clare added.

  Wyseman nodded. “I will do my best to be as sens
itive as possible, but unfortunately I can’t control what people think.”

  * * *

  Truer words were never spoken. Half an hour later, Pastor Wyseman made the difficult twofold announcement. People swiveled in their pews, most expressions shocked and sad, but some were not so generous.

  Noah drew in a calming breath. He knew Clare would be vilified in some eyes, and he fought the urge to stand up beside her and blurt out that that any of them could find themselves in the same situation that Clare found herself in.

  Instead, he gritted his teeth as the protective urge swept through him. He slid his gaze over to his fiancée, just as his hand reached for hers. Her fingers were cold, and he gripped them tightly, pushing her hand down on the hard pew between them so that no one could see the intimate action and jump to even more incorrect conclusions. Yes, they were marrying and yes, it was sudden. However, they didn’t owe anyone an explanation.

  Abruptly, the service resumed, with Mrs. Turcot starting a hymn on the small organ up front. Everyone rose, offering Clare and him a quiet, all-too-brief moment of peace. The church was warm, the air still and musty, but the pocket of privacy the standing crowd created was welcomed.

  Clare clung to his hand, stopping Noah from rising as she shot him a stricken look. “Did you see some of those faces? If you’d handed Mrs. Shrankhof a gavel she’d have passed sentence on me already.”

  “I’m here,” he whispered. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  Clare glanced down, but Noah could see her shoulders stiffen and her lips tighten. She doesn’t want to hear that, he thought with a sinking heart. It’s not a weakness on your part, Clare, he added silently. I’m only here to help you stay strong.

  “Thank you.” She sighed. Her head dipped farther. “Father wasn’t known for his thriftiness, but I, well, I want to tell them all off.”

  “I know it’s difficult. It’s confusing to resent him and want to defend him at the same time.”

  She reached up to furtively swipe her eyes. “Am I being hypocritical? I don’t want to be that.”