Rancher to the Rescue Page 19

  “I would say she’s taught you more than your parents, then.”

  Wonderment danced across her features and even in the dim light, he could see dimples forming. “So you like her now?”

  He folded his arms. “I wouldn’t say that.” He cleared his throat. “We’re getting off topic, Clare. You practically accused me of doing that same thing a few minutes ago.”

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. It’s as though a naughty part inside of me wants to come out.” She bit her lip. “Oh, dear, I’m just like my brothers.”

  “You’re getting off topic again, probably because you want to avoid something that could be said. Look, I want to tell you what’s going on. My father and I haven’t talked since I told him I didn’t want to marry Elizabeth or take over his business. My brother has a much better head and heart for it, anyway. Except that my father is a stubborn man, and I suspect that it’s that stubbornness that led to the rift between him and Rupert.”

  “I would say that Elizabeth led to the rift.” Serious once more, Clare watched him closely. He prided himself on being able to read her delightfully candid expressions, but suddenly, he couldn’t. What was wrong with him?

  Clare drew in a breath before speaking. “Meanwhile, Elizabeth can’t bring herself to tell her father the truth. And nor can you.”

  “She thinks it will devastate her father and that he’s been devastated enough.”

  “I disagree,” she began slowly. “Not that he’s been devastated enough. I think it’s her pride that’s stopping her from admitting she’d lied.”

  Most likely, Noah thought. But at the same time, it was more complicated. “She’s willing to take me back. She says that if it would please her father, she’d do it.”

  “So magnanimous of her,” Clare murmured. “Now she can live in the style she’s always lived in. Wait! Why doesn’t she marry your brother?”

  “My brother’s already married to a woman of his own choosing. That added to my anger. How could my father allow my brother one thing, but me, his eldest, wasn’t allowed to choose one thing about my life, all because I was born first?”

  “Pride’s a funny thing. We can be too proud to do one thing, but unashamedly do something else. Elizabeth is a perfect example. Too proud to admit she’d been spurned, but willing to allow her father to choose her husband for her. And to take you back.”

  “And as the first child, a son, I represented more than any other children.”

  Clare looked resigned. “I guess if Elizabeth told everyone she’d ended the relationship, then taking you her back would make it seem as though you had begged her to reconsider and as such, she was deigning to give you a second chance. I wonder if she thinks it would make her look better in her friends’ eyes.”

  Noah rubbed his forehead. Just when he thought he had women figured out, more confusion arose. But perhaps in Elizabeth’s mind, she was still maintaining her dignity.

  “Like I said before,” Clare continued, “‘Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.’ On the outside, Elizabeth seems like a wonderful, obedient daughter, but we all have sins inside of us.”

  He shot her a fast look. When he realized that the night had plunged itself completely upon them, he rose and brought a lantern from inside the stable. He could feel Clare’s gaze upon him as he walked quietly over to the house. He found the boys staring out the dim kitchen window at them. He lit a lamp and hung it up beside the stove, then told the boys to dress warmly for they needed to escort their sister home.

  “What are the boys doing?”

  “Staring at us. So we’d better be good role models.”

  Despite the tension, Clare laughed. “Oh, they can find trouble regardless, believe me.”

  Noah sat and both remained quiet for some time. The silence was comfortable, something he liked. Finally, he rose. “It’s time we escorted you home.”

  She didn’t move. “I can ride by myself.”

  “Yes, you can, but it’s not safe. Your brothers don’t need to lose you, too.”

  Nodding slowly, she accepted his hand to help her rise. But, still gripping it, she stepped in close to him to capture and hold his attention as she peered intently up at his face.

  * * *

  Clare’s heart tumbled in her chest. She and her brothers had crushed Noah’s dreams, those he’d wanted more than anything, forcing him to divert precious money, time and attention to them instead of his ranch.

  What about her dreams? She’d wanted to decide her own life and though it might never come true, it had been her dream and could never be taken away. Noah had his own aspirations, that much was obvious. Did he really want to share them with a loving wife, as he’d suggested to his father?

  Of course. Those words may have been said in the heat of his argument with his father, but they must have carried some truth. As a result, they’d caused such a terrible rift between him and his family.

  It had to stop. She’d realized that a few minutes ago, when he’d told her about his brother.

  “Noah,” she said, gripping him tighter. “We all have gone astray.”

  “Yes. I know that.”

  She tightened her grip. “I’m not talking about Elizabeth and her pride. I’m talking about you.”

  Clare surprised herself with her words. Yes, she would be determined and liberal enough to know that she had the right to her own opinion, but to dare to tell the man she was going to marry in two days’ time that he was wrong, well, that realization suddenly curtailed her nerve.

  She squared her shoulders. No, she needed to say what was settling inside of her. Not her anger at her father, or her new tenants’ pride and mistakes, none of that was weighing on her like this one realization was.

  “Noah, Elizabeth was wrong to lie, and so were you to allow that lie to stand. But that isn’t the big issue here. Not the one that affects you the most.”

  His shoulders stiffened and drew back. “What do you mean?”

  She weighed her words carefully. “Noah, your relationship with your father is ruined.”

  “Yes, because of his pride.”

  “No. Because both of you are too proud.” She tightened her grip. “Noah, you need to mend your relationship with him. Now.”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw. “He’s the one who started it.” He tried to pull out of her grip.

  She held fast to him. “That gives you the best reason to end it.”

  “I did... I left,” he gritted out. “There was no talking to him.”

  “You’re as stubborn as he is. But you have to be the bigger man.”

  “I am. I’m taller.”

  She glared at him. “That’s not funny. Noah, one day, your parents are going to be gone, and you won’t ever again have the chance to fix things. I know.”

  “Did you and your parents argue before they left?”

  “No, but I was upset that I’d lost them. I was so confused. The worst of it is that I’m never going to be able to ask their forgiveness or tell them how I feel.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “I can’t help it! You know, my mother is—was—very understanding. She understood me, all my woes and anguish.” Sadness washed over her and her voice cracked. “I know that she would have understood my anger. She was wise that way.”

  She released him and made an inane action with her hands, like she was rolling up a ball of wool. “All my feelings are jumbled together and I can’t sort them out. It just hurts. And frankly, it’s going to take a long time to get over it and let go of that hurt. I won’t ever be able to tell them how I feel and maybe somehow hear from my father how sorry he was for leaving me in a bind.

  “The regret is awful, Noah,” she finished. “I know my anger is wrong, and I want to apologize to him.”

 
“He never knew you were angry at him.”

  Clare swallowed. This was the first time Noah had openly admitted that her father was gone. Did he truly believe that? Had his words of not knowing for sure what happened to their ship been only to give her false hope?

  She steeled herself. “Noah, you still have your father while I have to live with the regret that I was angry with him and will never hear him forgive me. That’s an awful feeling. I don’t want you to feel that way. You must repair your relationship with your father. It’s the right thing to do.”

  She reached for him, her palm grazing his cheek. He needed to shave, and the short bristles scrubbed her palm. He looked down at her, those light eyes turning soft and wary in the lamplight.

  Noah swallowed, and the urge to comfort him bubbled up. Just as she was about to tell him she would be there beside him when he spoke to his father, supporting him, he stiffened. What was he realizing?

  He cleared his throat. “Right thing or not, it’s impossible with my father. Now, get your brothers. I’ll hitch the wagon to take you home.”

  She waited for him to say something more, but after a moment, walked slowly into the house.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Clare perched stiffly on the edge of the wagon’s bench seat beside Noah, fighting the rocking and jostling as she stared dead straight at her fiancé’s horse. Tied to the back tailgate was her horse, obediently trotting behind. In the box behind them, wrapped up in blankets against the chill of the April evening, her brothers huddled together silently. Thankfully, both were too tired for mischief.

  She was going home to spend her second-to-last night in her home. As a single woman. Tomorrow, Miss Worth was leaving, and Clare would be stuck with the Townsends.

  She wondered how long they would stay here, if Noah were to tell them they were wasting their time. There certainly wouldn’t be any reason to stay once she and Noah were married.

  Clare bit her lip. She needed them, though.

  Because she could no longer afford to live in her own home.

  And she’d soon be married to Noah.

  Who’d proposed to her to solve a problem. Who’d had a relationship with the people now renting her home. Who might be considering canceling the wedding to solve another dilemma. Who she wasn’t sure should marry anyone right now.

  Clare fought a sudden headache that had begun to pound her forehead. How was everything going to work out and how was she going to make her marriage, if it was to go ahead, a success when her husband refused to work on his own relationship with his father? What if he started to resent her as he obviously resented his own father?

  Noah was so stubborn in his refusal to forgive his father. What if, someday, she did something wrong? Would he forgive her? Where was that integrity she’d seen before?

  Clare stole a look over her shoulder at her brothers. The light from the lantern attached to the wagon wobbled over their faces, telling her both had fallen asleep, each propped against the other.

  Next, she stole a furtive glance at Noah. His steely attention remained nailed to the dark road. She could hear a yip of some small animal, a fox or a coyote, far to their left. But the sound didn’t even cause Noah’s horse to break its stride.

  It was as determined as Noah was.

  “Why did you propose to me?” The question blurted from her so suddenly, it shocked even her. She shut her eyes. Why was she so impulsive?

  As if knocked from some reverie, he glanced at her, his expression confused. “Pardon me?”

  She repeated her question, despite not knowing why she’d asked.

  He looked straight ahead. “It was the most honorable thing to do.”

  “Honorable? Yes, I thought you were that, but now, I’ve learned that you ended what could have been an honorable engagement and a good life.”

  “Don’t be so sure of that.”

  Clare frowned. “I’ve also learned you refuse to mend your relationship with your father, too.”

  “Yes, I was there for that conversation.”

  “It’s biblical to do all that you can to keep peace. I don’t know where in the Bible it says that, but I know it’s in there.”

  “Are you saying I’m not honorable?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Come on, Clare,” he said quietly. “You’re not that reserved. You just asked me why I proposed to you.”

  “I guess I’m really just wondering if you’re honorable at all.”

  His brows shot up. Turning away from him, she huffed to herself. Why was he surprised? “In fact,” she continued, raising her voice somewhat, “I think you only asked me to marry you to get back at your father. You told him you would only marry for love. But you’re not. Ours is not going to be that kind of marriage.”

  Her heart squeezed at her admission. She’d known that from the beginning, so why should it hurt now to hear herself say it aloud?

  “As I mentioned before, I didn’t want my father dictating my life. I wanted—and still want—to make my own life, and to succeed on my own terms, or fail on my own terms, if that’s what happens. I don’t want my father behind the curtain, controlling me like a puppet.”

  “Then why did you tell your father you would only marry for love? You proposed to me easily enough. If you truly believed what you told your father, you wouldn’t have done that. But you wouldn’t have said it unless a part of you meant it.”

  He frowned as if not following her logic. “I guess I just said it because he was pushing me to marry Elizabeth and take over a merged business. There were no secret longings.”

  “Would a life with Elizabeth have been so bad?” She cringed. Did she have to ask that?

  “Yes. My father might have said I was to take over the business, but he would still run it.”

  “So your defiance was solely because of your father’s control. You want to control your own destiny.”

  “Is that so wrong?”

  “No, but proposing to me to defy your father is, don’t you think?”

  She could see his lips tighten. “Really, Clare, tell me what’s on your mind.”

  Clare folded her arms. “Your sarcasm is inappropriate.”

  He fell silent.

  She sighed, then pursed her lips. Was she disappointed in Noah? Had she held him in such high regard that upon the discovery that he was not perfect, she blamed him for her own disappointment?

  Was she doing that to her father, too?

  Tears sprang into her eyes, and she blinked them away. Noah was not as honorable she’d believed him to be. He refused to repair his severed relationship with his family. This didn’t bode well for their marriage, which was already dangling on tenterhooks, stretched like a muslin rag trying to dry.

  She wanted to cry. She would have if she hadn’t remembered that Miss Worth was waiting for her. So, instead, she blinked and held herself so tight it hurt.

  * * *

  As the town center grew closer, Noah could feel Clare’s disappointment like a cold fog. Finally, he reined in the horse and brought it to a halt. Behind them, Clare’s mount let out a snort of disgust for the interruption.

  “What’s wrong?” Clare asked.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Are you being sarcastic again? Or did you really want to talk?”

  “Clare, my resentment toward my father is my own business. It doesn’t concern you.”

  “I think it does. We’re supposed to be married on Friday.”

  “Then we also need to discuss your resentment toward your father.”

  “If I had the chance, I would jump at mending that relationship.”

  “You can say that because—” he glanced down at her sleeping brothers and his voice dropped “—your parents aren’t coming home. But let’s fa
ce something here, Clare. Knowing you resent someone is very different from forgiving them. That’s another big step.”

  “One that you’re not willing to take.”

  He worked his jaw as if mulling over her comment. “No, I’m not. I don’t believe my father is ready to forgive me, either.”

  “You don’t know that for sure. Losing his best friend might have made him reconsider his own mistakes.”

  There was a short, brusque shake of his head. “It wouldn’t. There’s no talking to a man like that.”

  Clare held back the urge to throw up her hands in disgust. Couldn’t he see how important it was not to waste time?

  “Fine,” she snapped with sudden, dogged determination as she flared at Noah. “You believe you’re the better man? Prove that your proposal to me was better than what your father tried to arrange.”

  “It was.”

  “How so?”

  “It wasn’t to make a business better. Or to line either of our pockets.”

  “It was to make your life easier. I work for you. If my private life was destroyed, I wouldn’t be an effective worker.”

  He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “That wasn’t the reason and you know it. My father wanted his business to be more successful. It was his only concern.”

  “And your only concern was to ensure I didn’t end up in the poorhouse. It’s a slightly different slant on the same economics.”

  “I proposed to help you and your brothers.”

  “You proposed for revenge.” Her voice dropped and caught. “I thought you had integrity.”

  “And I don’t?”

  “You’ve only proposed because in some odd way, it is getting even with your father. You weren’t honest with yourself about that.”

  “Clare, it may seem that way, but I didn’t propose to you just to get revenge against my father. Yes, a part of me thought of that reason, but I asked you to marry me because you were at risk of losing your brothers. That was the main reason.”

  Her eyes watered. “You weren’t even honest with me about a previous engagement.”